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72 entries this month
22:48 Feb 29 2012
Times Read: 994
After what my daughter just told me, I have to ask myself..
if teenagers are accidentally caught on surveillance doing something "nasty" does it qualify as child pornography?
She just realized that two male students have been gone awhile and upon taking note of this a friend told her that they were expelled for activities with a female student at an away game.
"Do you think the parents saw the tape?"
Oy, *face palm
22:26 Feb 29 2012
Times Read: 1,003
OH MY GOD!!!
(my daughter)What?
(me)She's got a knife.
(daughter) -_- It's not like I am going to kill someone.
18:18 Feb 29 2012
Times Read: 1,015
My dad called this morning and we had a "nice" conversation.
I quotation the word nice because I find that a lot of the time I put up a front with him. I am the person that tries to be honest all the time about my feelings but with my dad it's just hard.
There are so many things he doesn't understand anymore.
My mother has told me that my brother is using threats and manipulation to control my father's behavior; as revenge is his qualifier.
So today dad calls and tells me about how my brother just blows off his scheduled trip to the grocery store. My brother is using my dads bank account as his own back up when he runs low on funds. My father can't even call or help when he is injured or sick for fear of my brother accusing him of being drunk and taking away his phone and other perks.
This man has never been an angel but he doesn't deserve this. He is a drunk. He has lied, cheated and manipulated in his life but for my brother to wait for the man to be frail and demented(Dementia)to take advantage of him is contemptible.
I am complaining to the air here. There really is nothing I can do. The laws are so fucking backward when it comes to these sort of things. My father has stress Dementia but he is competent to care for himself as long as he poses no dangers to others. There is no way I can move back to where he is and no way he will move here. Plus I will not tolerate the drinking. He can be a drunk and when he is scraped off the pavement and deposited somewhere I will identify him. I have no power to actually control him. It is his civil liberty to drink himself into the gutter if he wants to.
I can only listen to this stuff. I can't listen to this stuff.
My brother is selfish and he has used his service in Iraq to excuse his blatant bigotry. I will be so glad when I don't have to deal with him anymore for the sake of being able to even talk to my father. In some ways I will be glad when I don't have to smile and nod anymore period.
18:38 Feb 28 2012
Times Read: 1,014
After following the news coming from Chardon Ohio since yesterday, I am disturbed. That boy could be one of my children or one of their friends.
How does my son differ from the boy who opened fire on his classmates? Maybe it is Chess. He learned it at an early age so he thinks several moves ahead in strategy. It would seem that suicide and mass murder could be classified a stale-mate. Could that be it?
16:36 Feb 28 2012
Times Read: 1,022
It has been an interesting morning.
03:58 Feb 28 2012
Times Read: 1,026
I was just not in it today. I will be honest.
I am upset about my financial plans getting wrecked.
I still haven't given up and I am trying to figure out how to remedy the situation but the more I think the less I sleep well and the more tired I get.
The best laid plans that I had and they get screwed by a computer.
The good news today, the bank waved two of the overdraft charges.
In other news, my son asked me for a note to get out of ROTC and gym for the next week. Ingrown toenail on the other foot. I guess next week we get to take him in for another round of torture at the children's hospital.
16:35 Feb 27 2012
Times Read: 1,031
I didn't know what to write today.
So this is what I wrote.
14:44 Feb 26 2012
Times Read: 1,046
It's Sunday.
22:00 Feb 25 2012
Times Read: 1,054
My daughter has a friend over this weekend and though this girl has been a friend of hers for years, a best friend really, she seems to be getting annoyed with her. Truth be told she seems really restless.
When she is at the friend's house there is no problem. They have fun. I have a lot of rules that they don't at the other house, things like; no wasting food, I want to know where people are or are supposed to be, no rough housing indoors. The last part is because the dogs get upset by the yelling and wrestling.
I don't think she has "outgrown" the young lady, I know they are good friends. It makes me wonder about her future relationships though, how will she handle the invasion of others in her own space?
Will roommates think she is weird because she would rather stay home and read in her room than go out drinking or getting high?
This has been developing every time she has a friend over this year. It is just disturbing more then anything because it puts me into the position of having to entertain her friends and console them when they feel like they have done something wrong.
23:53 Feb 24 2012
Times Read: 1,073
The ultimate catch-22.
You cannot be ok with others unless you are ok with yourself
BUT
If you are ok with yourself.
Why do you need other people?
19:01 Feb 24 2012
Times Read: 1,074
It is amazing to just be sitting in the silence.
Even though the rain is way South of us we are still on Tornado watch. I have only physically seen one. It formed in a neighbor's front yard, jumped the freeway and headed straight for the school. this was 2 years ago. The tornado's that we get here are babies, they cause high wind damage but nothing like Joplin.
Still living in a single wide trailer completely exposed and with no where to run should one come along and knock us over like a child's toy I pay attention and listen with my whole body.
So as I said, sitting in the silence. Suddenly it occurs to me that it has gotten terribly humid and everything outside is silent. The quality of light is changing subtly, just something I would notice.
So I pull up Wunderground and there I see a mezzo right on top of us. Just a Mezzo, just building. The neighbor dogs see it too.
I walk out to the driveway and my ears are popping, I am feeling queasy and I just watch the clouds as the baby storm starts to build right on top of our little patch of heaven.
I walked back to my porch and looked up, she was a thing of beauty up there. The very center with the other clouds moving in and circling around her like ripples on a pond. That is what it reminds me of the ripples when something drops into the water.
What is she going to do?
I watch and wait, the seconds tick by slowly. The pressure converging and then slowly the rain starts to pit pat around me. Little drops.
The mezzo disperses and I sit at the computer to try and describe the experience.
15:13 Feb 24 2012
Times Read: 1,083
Today I am quite the busy person. My neighbor called this morning at 6am to ask if I could clean house before his wife comes home from the hospital. Of course.
I get annoyed with them sometimes if I feel used or like I can't get any time for myself. The weekend before Valentines I was flipping bullshit over the fact that I had become the babysitter on top of all else, then me and Cindy both got sick because the parents of the angel in her charge(left to me for a couple of hours)sent her over when she was sick.
A cold is irritating for me but for Cindy it can be life threatening. Her and her husband are good down to earth people. I like having them for neighbors. At Thanksgiving they had me and my son over because they knew we were alone with very little in the house at all. Her husband will make way to much corn chowder just to send most of it to our house.
So I am off of here after one more cup of coffee to make her house comfy for her when she comes home from her "vacation"(as she called it).
04:33 Feb 24 2012
Times Read: 1,100
I guess I needed to be more explicit.
A rewrite will be needed.
I will say this here and thenadd it to my profile so there will be chance of anyone get cunt(cock)hurt over my noncompliance in the long held mutual add follies.
I want to be completely clear that it isn't that I am trying to spare a person's feelings, it is simply that valuable seconds of my life are lost in pleas(as in multiple asking, more then one person so this is directed nowhere in particular)to add.
If my obstinance makes your private parts hurt, use a cream or change your style of undies.
I do not add people just because they add me.
I do not add strangers simply because they ask me to.
I do not add strangers because they are a friend of a friend and are trying to gain level.
When someone tells me they added me, I say Thank You.
Nowhere does it say that I have to reciprocate.
01:02 Feb 24 2012
Times Read: 1,108
I spent the day in bed. After eating my breakfast my head started to feel very heavy and it got hard to think.
It felt awful.
It got depressing too.
I finally dragged myself off of the couch to make dinner. I don't know if I was feeling tired or lazy but all I wanted to do was lay there and try to sleep.
I had to give up of course.
15:27 Feb 23 2012
Times Read: 1,123
I am intrigued with the idea of holding an Anonymous only chat.
Something like a blind summit or online masked ball.
The rules would be simple. Log out before entry. At no time ever does anyone hint at or divulge who they are during the chat.
I have no control over what is going on behind the scenes of course but if things got stupid I could just turn off Anon chat and then close the chat.
Imagine for a little bit being in a room full of other numbers with no pressure. Just being yourself and having fun.
It is something to think about.
22:37 Feb 22 2012
Times Read: 1,144
My daughter just told me that she is friends with all kinds of people even people that she wouldn't normally respect or hang out with. She just do the drama and lets people be people.
I am the tree and she is the apple...didn't fall far did she?
:)
16:52 Feb 22 2012
Times Read: 1,159
Allow me to tell you a tale of an epic battle between our household and ATT.
Back in December we were visited by a door to door UVerse representative. We were informed that our area was now able to receive UVerse service. I did not want the UVerse but I was informed that if I wanted to continue to correspond through phone and Internet I would have to switch eventually or end up paying for service that we were no longer getting.
I have been an ATT customer on and off since about 1998. I have been a customer with them here since 2008. Instead of just upgrading us for free we were told that the updating of our pre-existing service to UVerse would cost us $150 per service to connect unless we got the full bundle. Then it could be installed for free. We don't use the tv but fine, whatever I need my Internet.
Then I was told that I had to sign up for autopay. NO.
I don't want autopay. Our income is $784 every two weeks, we have no buffer, no eligibility for assistance and no credit cards because we have bad credit. There was no way around it.
My bill for this month was $17. Because of when the paychecks fall I had to arrange to pay the bill on the 17th instead of on the 15th. The bill for March was showing already when I logged on to ATT on Friday and paid manually. On Monday the took the amount owing for March.
I had my budget planned to the next dollar and they took money out of my account to pay a balance that could have waited until I had the money in the bank. We found out yesterday when we tried to buy garbage bags and the card was declined. I contacted ATT immediately and they reversed the charges but with the 5 business days the damage is done. Overdrawn to the tune of $233, soon to be $268 when another overdraft hits us.
The reversal will put the overdue balance back to -$147 and add a second week overdrafted becomes -$183. ATT is
crediting us $100 for the inconvenience so when I pay the bill it will be $21 but as I said, the damage is done. We have to rearrange the budget for March, this includes paying the house payment 1 day late. I am not asking for handouts, I am outlining the situation. I just want to let people know what can happen and how it can devastate.
This morning I spent on the phone with ATT. The billing rep I got was fantastic. I wish I had gotten his facebook now because we had similar interests and he was such a big help. He told me how to cancel the autopay every month and then he told me a little secret. The reason that I am doomed to autopay is the television. The television that I do not use cost us $83 in overdraft charges.
BUGGER!
Tonight I will talk to my daughter, she is the only one that watches it and she watches it for maybe an hour to 2 hours per week versus 12 to 15 hours of viewing that she does online through CrunchyRoll and Netflix. She likes SpongeBob.
Mr. ATT Billing rep, I could have kissed you through the phone line when you told me that SpongeBob is on Play Now on Netflix.
I can cancel my tv, go back to manual pay and my bill drops below $100 a month AND my daughter still gets SpongeBob.
13:43 Feb 22 2012
Times Read: 1,180
What is this awake that people keep speaking of?
03:21 Feb 22 2012
Times Read: 1,188
I think I could marry this browser upgrade.
Yes I love it that much.
Not only is it cool looking but it is moving so fast.
I just hope it doesn't get to advanced for my computer anytime soon.
02:10 Feb 22 2012
Times Read: 1,195
I love the sound of happy kitties.
In my house it sounds like thunder.
18:47 Feb 21 2012
Times Read: 1,205
We had a tremendous scare and I required a little time on catbook working on Bob's profile in order to calm myself.
It all started with taking the trash to the dump. We used the last trash bag so needed to go to the Dollar General for some more. Bank card was declined.
WHAT!
I have accounted for every purchase to the next dollar and there should have been more than enough to cover Myth's tool payments before running out of money.
Got home and checked the bank and it had been overdrafted 5 times by an automatic payment taken early and not yet due until next month! This is why I did not want the damned automatic payment in the first place!
But when we were told that we had to switch to UVerse we were also told that we had to do automatic payment. This is the result.
I called them frantically but tried to remain calm, hell why not remain calm I am only on the verge of being either on the streets, without one utility or another or unable to buy groceries AGAIN but I will be calm.
So after I bawled like a little baby as I explained that even though I don't expect ATT to care but I am asking them to anyway the charges were reversed.
I hope.
At least I didn't smoke.
16:14 Feb 21 2012
Times Read: 1,209
The beauty of keeping people at arms length is the knowledge that they are there should you need them, you always have plenty of space and accuracy of a thrown projectile hitting it's target improves.
16:11 Feb 21 2012
Times Read: 1,210
I always liked the advice of trust no one more than the proverb about keeping friends close but enemies closer.
I am skeptical of all people who choose to associate with me. They all want something. Everyone wants something. Even I want something. They may not want something materialistic and I think in most cases the intentions are completely benign but they still want something.
With me all people are on a level playing field. I don't play favorites and punches are rarely pulled. I prefer diplomacy over outright cruelty. I will look at a situation from the perspective of absolute selfishness. How does this affect ME.
It doesn't. Except the people who disturb my peace with their babble. Even the people who feel they are on the right side of an argument and just keep beating and beating and talking behind their hands right in plain sight. Just meaningless babble.
I like my journal. I say what I want to it and sometimes it gets read. I find it easier to tell people everything in complete honesty because I can walk away and never look back and sometimes I do.
I think it is nice when people feel that there is some sort of closeness derived from these shares. It makes them feel good.
Right now I am just babbling to babble because I hadn't written anything yet.
02:59 Feb 21 2012
Times Read: 1,226
We probably should have remembered some chocolate.
23:34 Feb 20 2012
Times Read: 1,247
Went to the store for the weekly insult. I do feel insulted anyway, every time we go to the store.
Food stamps considers at least a $100 a week budget for a family of four and that is just groceries. Not toilet paper or tooth paste or tampons or even soap(unless you make your own soap.).
If we are lucky our weekly budget is $50 for food and non-food.
Anyway, done with that bullshit. I am happy to go to AIM once a month and get my week supply of freebies, it helps.
So at the grocery...got the margarine, eggs are overpriced but got those. Critters are taken care of. The only marked down meats within reason were chicken. I think I can make what I got last a week.
Potatoes were on sale, got my onions and celery and picked up some kale for Saori plus I want to try it. Also bananas.
Two loaves of bread, Planters peanut butter was on sale. Myth has been craving orange juice so we got that and it put us over budget.
Got to checkout and remembered that I had a remnant of a gift card in my pocketbook and that fixed the overage.
I am thinking chicken salad tonight. I still have some green leaf lettuce(the live kind).
I am thinking about getting out to the garden and starting my planting early. I have a whole bunch of legume sprouts left over from last week and they are sprouting nicely, time to introduce them to the Carolina clay. I think I can plant a bunch of stuff early this year, but I have to dig everything myself. On my hands and knees but I will do it.
18:29 Feb 20 2012
Times Read: 1,269
onemorelevel.com
The Red Button
Try it!
It is so VR!
16:36 Feb 20 2012
Times Read: 1,277
Since this is where I put the things that boggle my mind, infuriate some of my facebook friends and dammit I need to get this off my chest and outta my head.
Last night a friend posted that her boyfriend's father is in the hospital with blood on the brain. This is a terrible thing.
Another terrible thing is that her family has been riding the poverty line for the last two or three years. Her relationship with this guy is one of convenience, for him. They have been on again off again for nearly 20 years with the abuse and manipulation, blah blah blah. She is so warped and brainwashed by psychologists that she can talk herself into being the victim. That is all fine with me, not my problem unless she starts bitching then I just tell her to shut up unless she wants to really fix her problem.
Anyway she is one of those Fybro people and because she has an invisible syndrome she can't get disability but she still has to pay for drugs out of her own pocket. She got a job through Social Services working in housing placement and through this job got an apartment for a discount. She is paying for everything.
My understanding is that the job market is depressed so Dude is having trouble finding work. He blew off a perfectly good job driving truck in town delivery last year when his mom was hospitalized and now that he is in another job training program he is blowing it off because of his dad!
What about his priorities? He has a 3 year old daughter living in a shitty little apartment in a bad part of town and this fucker blows off his chance at a decent job to go sit in a fucking hospital! He isn't a doctor, there is no reason for him to be there when he has other things to do.
I have been there and I worked until the day we pulled the fucking plug, I worked. I was needed at the hospital that day to sign off on paperwork to have the stuff disconnected so I spent the day with my dad while we watched my step mom die. My brother came out after he got off work.
I had been working at my job for 7 years, I had vacation time and I had a guaranteed 3 day grief period with pay. Yeah my friends boyfriend called the trainer and explained the situation, so what. He isn't hired, he is training and if someone else shows up who is qualified and willing to work her boyfriend will be shit out of luck.
Welcome to the real world buddy.
I clearly don't understand people.
05:02 Feb 20 2012
Times Read: 1,286
I cannot find my electrical tape and I need it.
The cats have bitten my Gamecube cord and my screen keeps going dark.
How am I supposed to fall asleep while playing Sims if I can't even see it?
03:37 Feb 20 2012
Times Read: 1,292
I love talking Llamas with hats
AND
ASDF's
22:21 Feb 19 2012
Times Read: 1,302
I cough.
My 16 year old coughs.
Me: Stop copying me.
Him: (turns and looks at me oddly then smiles crookedly)What the...?
hehehehehe
18:09 Feb 19 2012
Times Read: 1,305
Got woken up by the phone just after 8am, it was my neighbor Bobby letting me know that Brownie was back. She let herself in some time in the night. I was worried so I am glad to hear that.
His wife Cindy is in the hospital right now. He took her to Minor Care yesterday and they took her to the hospital ER. She was admitted for pneumonia but X-rays are showing a shadow in her lungs. The same shadow was present several months ago so they are looking at complications with her asbestos related COPD. Hopefully she will be home soon. I think they are both very worried. I would have gone to visit but I have been sick all week and still fighting this dang cold or whatever it is.
20:23 Feb 18 2012
Times Read: 1,319
"Why must you always sit on my shoulder and then put your butt in my face?"
This is what I said to Tiger kitty. Seriously, he weighs 15 lbs!
he is always purring his fool head off too.
So nice I posted it Twice!!12:52 Feb 18 2012
Times Read: 1,329
(My facebook friends will be seeing double)
I respect people who stand up to adversity. Even if the standing up to adversity is habitual or a social disorder. Maybe they can't help themselves or they love to poke things. I still respect that as long as they never back down.
I love the people in my life online and off who permit me my right to have an opinion and still stand beside me(figuratively if not literally)even when I say something that they disagree with.
This is one of the small examples of the entitlements given us by our freedom to speak, think and express.
"I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it." - Voltaire
11:41 Feb 18 2012
Times Read: 1,331
Yesterday one of my neighbor's dogs ran off while my son was over there burning debris in the garden. She was afraid of the fire and dug out. He has had her several years.
I feel terribly for him and for his sake I hope that she returns
but
in the darkest recesses of my heart I hope that she won't. She kills small animals. Possums, rabbits, cats...she eats them so it isn't a waste or a smelly nuisance. That isn't the point.
I have cats, they have been raised with dogs. They have no fear of dogs so I can't let them be outside because of her.
The longer she is gone the better for my cats and my house.
22:38 Feb 17 2012
Times Read: 1,354
I think it is really adorable listening to a man fix things. The clanking of tools, the soft swearing.
hehe
I am just sitting here waiting for the ok. I have waiting all this time to be able to boil a pot of water!
So I am keeping myself occupied. I updated my profile, LOL.
I didn't like the placement of the word please at the very end so I return shifted.
Sometimes I am amazed by my own cleverness.
19:25 Feb 17 2012
Times Read: 1,365
The big man is looking at the range and seeing what we need. I am hoping to go buy the parts today!
05:32 Feb 17 2012
Times Read: 1,369
It is a non-issue for me.
I am allergic to latex and have issues with vinyl, somehow even the non-allergen stuff ends up making me itchy and short of breath.
I also have a family history of bad reactions to hormone pills so "the pill" was never an option. If it is imitation and messes with my hormones then it isn't being, implanted, injected or popped.
My family planning was actually somewhere along the lines of I had intercourse, I got pregnant, I had a baby.
I went this route twice.
Both of my kids have been raised to have a stricter moral code than me. They understand the pro's and cons of sexual activity.
We have even discussed how we would manage should either of the kids end up as teen parents.
Here is where it stops being a non-issue. My kids could get medical through the state. Myth and I are unofficial Common-Law man and wife so one of the perks is that the kids can get medical but I cannot unless I agree to file for child support which I do not want from my daughter's father.
I get no pap smear, no breast exam, nothing. Why?
Myth's insurance through work quite frankly, sucks. They are under no obligation to carry a medical plan that actually benefits employees in fact, it is a step up from Cobra coverage. Basic medical and nothing else.
The VA? The closest specialists for his needs are 100 miles away so we can't take care of his needs let alone mine.
This is why I have a problem with specialized small interest groups. People wanting special rather than equal treatment.
There is a big problem with our medical system as it is. It does not just affect women wanting birth control, it affects everybody.
Maybe the problem is that people are thinking to small.
04:54 Feb 17 2012
Times Read: 1,370
Myth came home early to rescue me.
20:26 Feb 16 2012
Times Read: 1,377
I slept most of the day while random videos ran online. I find it funny that I can sleep at night but during the day I need noise.
I slept through a phone call from the school. It was my daughter letting me know that she had left her weekend bag at home by accident.
Well, nothing I can do about that. Just the same thanks for letting me know. Welcome to life as a grown up, sometimes when we make plans to be away for the weekend we forget things.
03:24 Feb 16 2012
Times Read: 1,385
Still sick.
This stuffy nose is really irritating and my lips are starting to chap.
I made a very nice split pea soup tonight though and oh the amazing powers of the split pea!
I felt quite a bit better, for a few minutes.
05:17 Feb 15 2012
Times Read: 1,402
Earlier I was thinking about something and I might as well just say it. I saw posted somewhere that bullying is the number 1 cause of suicide.
THAT
is utter crap.
According to Suicide.org the number 1 cause of suicide is untreated depression. Depression a psychological condition considered to be medical and needing to be treated by narcotics.
In reality suicide is caused 100% of the time by people giving up on living for one reason or another. Death, abuse, illness, low self esteem, chronic illness and yes hazing or bullying are among the issues which exacerbate the condition of a depressed person but unless I am mistaken suicide is defined by Merriam-Webster as: the act or an instance of taking one's own life voluntarily and intentionally especially by a person of years of discretion and of sound mind.
Now throwing away the qualifier which allows it to become a reason to put young people in prison for doing what comes naturally: the act or an instance of taking one's own life voluntarily and intentionally.
I hate political correctness in all it's forms.
Acts of suicide occur when an individual no longer has the intestinal fortitude for this life. People need to toughen up and stop expecting people to be nice all the time. That is not how life works.
Life is hard. Life is pain. Life is sacrifice. Life is sweat and hunger and disappointment. Life is also the one moment when the air is calm and everything is quiet. It is a smile on a sick or handicapped child.
It can be gone in an instant, years of work, sacrifice, tears and laughter simply because someone in a moment of selfishness said to themselves,"this will show them. What will they say when I'm gone?"
18:56 Feb 14 2012
Times Read: 1,422
OMG!
My cats just gobbled down slices of jalapeno!
12:49 Feb 14 2012
Times Read: 1,431
Going back to bed
Couch is closer
Going to couch.
21:25 Feb 13 2012
Times Read: 1,446
I think I may be coming down with something.
Actually no, I KNOW I am coming down with something.
It would be on an evening when I can't really rest.
15:38 Feb 13 2012
Times Read: 1,448
Much happier and relaxed today.
After the horrible time we had last week. Myth showed up on Saturday with extra groceries and a little money to go to the store. he is selling some of his army stuff to a coworker.
My daughter's cat Sally had been starving herself no matter what we tried so an emergency kibble run was needed for her.
The other babes had been on stiff rations so although they weren't starving, they had all become anxious. So yesterday I kept the dishes full all day long and by the time I made dinner they were back to behaving themselves.
There is a possibility of snow and sleet for our area tomorrow and we are planning to go into town tomorrow. We are trying to decide if we should go today or not. The weather forecasts for our region tend to be timid because people here panic as soon as they hear the word snow but also because weather is never certain until it actually gets here.
23:11 Feb 12 2012
Times Read: 1,461
Sometimes.
I feel so misunderstood.
After thinking about it for a while I come to the conclusion that I am not actually misunderstood.
The problem really is everyone else.
They simply cannot comprehend that one little boy could be that important.
O.O
I think I got lost.
Sometimes
I feel misunderstood.
I think it is because I don't look at the world the way other people do.
For instance, killing is bad. There are many ways to kill things and many things to kill. Mosquitoes, spiders, snakes, carrots, bacteria, algae, people, cows....the list is a very long one.
There are many justifications for killing. From self preservation to an absent minded slap, punishment for killing; that one is my favorite.
He killed someone so as punishment for killing he should be killed. The person who killed him will surely face no repercussion because they killed a killer.
Do you really believe that?
Killing to eat is self preservation. If a wolf kills and eats another wolf it is self preservation and survival of the fittest. If one person eats another it is a crime.
If I was an alien, I would be confused.
Sometimes I feel so misunderstood.
16:12 Feb 12 2012
Times Read: 1,469
Good morning Sunday. I woke up with the sun in my face so it really is a sun day but man is it flippin cold!
I am thinking about making sandwiches for the dogs.
We have peanut butter, chicken, cornbeef hash..
Wonder which I should do?
04:50 Feb 12 2012
Times Read: 1,476
I am tired of being tired.
Tonight I sleep and we will see what happens tomorrow.
18:54 Feb 11 2012
Times Read: 1,493
This will sound horrible.
I am a parent. Both of my children have survived to the ages of 16 and 14.
Why, you may ask?
It is because they are MY children. I make the rules. I taught them right from wrong; acceptable behavior from non-acceptable behavior.
I used hand and belt.
I set boundaries and expected those boundaries to be maintained whether in my presence or not.
They live as a sterling example; a reflection of me and if their behavior is less than exemplary and they fail to understand the follow through consequences of their actions it is my own failing alongside their own.
Here is the horrible part.
I do not like being left responsible for other people's pre-K progeny.
This is because the way that I raised my children may be viewed as extreme by other people.
This is because these miniscule people refuse to accept the word no as a matter of due course and I have to tolerate and be held captive by it.
I wish all parents held my standard for excellence in a child's personal behavior.
14:14 Feb 11 2012
Times Read: 1,511
We are currently experiencing what is called Red Flag weather conditions. What it means is that we will have strong winds blowing through the day with low humidity and ground humidity will be freeze drying. DON'T BURN SHIT OUTSIDE!!!!
The next door neighbor to our left has a burn barrel within about 2 yards of their own house and it is going fiercely.
The closest fire hydrant is about 2 miles away.
Not bright.
Of course there is no way they will listen to me.
16:05 Feb 10 2012
Times Read: 1,520
The miniature juvenile kittehs have decided unanimously that I should no longer be wearing a ponytail. It interferes with their concentrations and causes them to jump on my back and attack my neck at random.
05:28 Feb 10 2012
Times Read: 1,531
I kind of thought that I was going to bed early but here it is after 12 and I am thinking more along the lines of finishing the patch I am working on while I watch Doc Martin.
I am enjoying that one. Kind of excited that at the time that I stumble over it they are finally introducing a new season.
16:48 Feb 09 2012
Times Read: 1,547
And now I breathe a small sigh of relief.
This morning I was fearful. No matter how I crunch the numbers the actual financial picture does not match. Projected spending when placed next to actual expenses...at any rate.
Back around Christmas I made an error in judgement. I bought the kids the clothing, underwear, shoes and socks that they needed. I know it was a terrible thing to do. I only did it because I thought that their Grandpa was paying for it. I do regret that thinking.
It has put us behind. We are freaks of nature with no credit cards or payday loans. We simply live paycheck to paycheck.
I know, the HORROR!
In our attempt to get things back on schedule, certain things had to be done without. Usually not a big deal but in mid January my range died so cooking is not as much fun as usual. In fact it is a nightmare of crock-pots and microwave oven. I found myself in distress. Myth's income disqualifies us from any assistance at all. So we eke by at the line between poverty and just poor. That is life.
Yesterday a grandparent of one of my daughter's classmates showed up at the house and told me that he would take me to a food bank today and I agreed to go. Really I expected the trip to be in vain but if I didn't try I can't say that I have tried everything.
I am grateful for the little bit of help and we will still have to use the Paypal to credit a purchase at the grocery but I don't have to worry over the kids through the weekend and now I know that if I need the help I can get it.
12:35 Feb 09 2012
Times Read: 1,557
I believe that cowardice comes in all forms.
Sometimes it is masked as freedom of speech.
The closed mindedness of others most often shows in their actions not in their words.
For those who speak but will not listen, I have no use.
For those will not confront out of fear of any kind, I have no patience.
For those who cannot stand alone and defend themselves and their ideals with conviction, I see you as the highest form of cowardice.
11:29 Feb 09 2012
Times Read: 1,562
At times I find myself frozen in place unable to cope. Usually it is financial. I have done everything I can and find that I am helpless to change the current condition so it must be left as it is. It is something that must be lived through and learned from.
I really do feel that this is why obstacles are sometimes placed in front of us, figuratively but also in reality. It is something which if I cannot go through, over or around then I must patiently cope with and wait.
This is where a person's faith comes into play. In the times when I just stop fighting and surrender I find a sort of peace in the realization that everything that I try will be fruitless because it is meant to be that way and somehow things always do work themselves out.
We always somehow get what we need.
When I moved to South Carolina I traded my security(such as it was)for uncertainty. Back in Oregon I had a job. I paid 100% of the care for my kids; food, bills, clothes, everything. I also lived with an alcoholic who abused me in every invisible way possible for 8 of 10 years and was on the verge of becoming physical. I wasn't the only one. My son was being beaten and mistreated by this person and my daughter by extension was being abused by our abuse.
In Oregon they had friends to play with all the time. They always had something to eat and they always had gifts for every holiday. In the last year that we were there both of my kids had become more isolated from their friends, it was always fast food because I had given up on cooking and all the gifts in the world did not make up for the horrible fights that ensued as soon as family and friends weren't around.
Even the poverty, which we cannot seem to fight but must endure, is better than what we lived with.
17:39 Feb 08 2012
Times Read: 1,572
Right now you remind me of my Tiger kitty.
Passive aggression, yes that is what it is. Just like the way he purrs and purrs and purrs when trying to wake me in the morning to feed him.
EmpressofPassion, I see you in the vamp box but it is so amusing reading your self conversation that I don't want to interrupt your flow. hehehe
16:21 Feb 08 2012
Times Read: 1,576
Making scrambled eggs for the kittehs!
Yes, I am THAT crazy cat lady. Now I just need a worn out picket fence.
14:38 Feb 08 2012
Times Read: 1,592
I think someone got annoyed with me last night.
Lucky me, in my oblivion I don't know who or care why.
For some reason I like the question mark.
??????????????????????????????????????
I have no idea.
06:40 Feb 08 2012
Times Read: 1,606
I remember when people were interesting to watch. Now it's like watching Groundhog Day; someone will write a journal about how pathetic other people are in...3..2..1 NOW.
Someone else doesn't want to be judged, someone else is begging for attention and the phone rings.
Someone wants a piece of my time is that a problem for me...of course not. I have no life, mine is but to serve.
Someone extends the hand of goodwill or friendship usually wants something for themselves, no not usually. Always.
I live with it because what else will I do?
Here is my alternative.
Do not post actual things about my thoughts or feelings in blogs and journals on the Internet. Doing so only encourages contact.
Ignore messages of any sort which might start a meaningful dialogue. Anyone outside of my personal circle is of no consequence.
I think those two things are it.
I could do those.
Instead my I-door(or is it E-door?)is always open. All opinions no matter how stupid, are welcome. They could at least be entertaining and that is better than the general boredom I feel when looking at the living, breathing puzzle that is humanity. All solved, now what do I do?
I guess I continue to grow my social network.
05:53 Feb 08 2012
Times Read: 1,608
(Honore)
Look at all the captivating fascinating things there are to do
(Gaston)
NAME TWO
(Honore)
Look at all the pleasures
All the myriad of treasures we have got
(Gaston)
LIKE WHAT?
Look at Paris in the spring when each solitary thing is more beautiful than ever before
You can see every tree almost saying
"Look at me!"
WHAT COLOR ARE THE TREE? Green!
WHAT COLOR WERE THEY LAST YEAR? Green!
AND THE NEXT YEAR? Green!
IT'S A BORE!
Don't you marvel at the power of the mighty Eiffel Tower
Knowing there it will remain evermore!
Climbing up to the sky
Over ninety stories high
HOW MANY STORIES? Ninety!
HOW MANY YESTERDAY? Ninety!!
AND TOMORROW? Ninety!!!
IT'S A BORE!
The River Seine
ALL IT CAN DO IS FLOW
But think of wine
IT'S RED OR WHITE
But think of girls!
IT'S EITHER YES OR NO
AND IF IT'S NO OR IF IT'S YES
IT SIMPLY COULDN'T MATTER LESS
But think of a race with your horse in seventh place
Where the bull is uncontrolled and he charges up and wins with a roar
IT'S A BORE!
Life is thrilling as can be
SIMPLY NOT MY CUP OF TEA
It's a gay, romantic fling
IF YOU LIKE THAT SORT OF THING
It's intriguing
IT'S FATIGUING
It's a game!
IT'S THE SAME DULL WORLD WHEREVER YOU GO
WHATEVER PLACE YOU ARE AT
THE EARTH IS ROUND
BUT EVERYTHING ON IT IS FLAT
Don't tell me Venice has no lure
JUST A TOWN WITHOUT A SEWER
The leaning tower I adore
INDECISION IS A BORE
But think of the thrill in a bullfight in Seville where the bull is uncontrolled and he charges at a bull matador!
IT'S A BORE!
Think of lunch beneath the trees!
STOP THE CARRIAGE IF YOU PLEASE
You mean you don't want to come
THE THOUGHT OF LUNCH LEAVES ME NUMB
But I implore
OH, NO, UNCLE, IT'S A BORE!
23:57 Feb 07 2012
Times Read: 1,616
Poverty breeds creativity.
I bought spaghetti noodles instead of Ramen. Reason?
10 boxes of Ramen made satisfy them for 3-5 days, is loaded with sodium and costs $2.88.
2 small boxes of spaghetti noodles are less processed so will go further, still make around 10 servings total and cost .78 each.
Today the kids are seasoning their spaghetti noodles with chocolate :)
aw
13:53 Feb 07 2012
Times Read: 1,621
The boy is home sick, supposed to be resting but he can't sit still or be quiet for anything. In a little while I will be going in and doing a thorough clean on his room.
Yeah I know he should be doing that but for the fine detail work I only trust myself.
15:05 Feb 06 2012
Times Read: 1,632
For some reason VR is giving me a problem this morning. Three attempts to participate in some way by viewing pages and the first two times, thwarted. This is the third.
Methinks I will give up for the moment.
06:15 Feb 05 2012
Times Read: 1,640
For Christmas Granny Morgan gifted us with a beautiful new member of the family. She is fitting in nicely with all of the other critters and now that she is comfortable her, shall we say, eccentricities are showing themselves. One of them being her need to fling herself at people and perch upon them.
Scooping the litterbox, chopping the onions , or folding the laundry makes no difference. She cat-apults herself(she is a cat so catapult is pun-worthy)onto me as high as she can and then climbs to my shoulder and perches until she finds a place to jump off. This is not for me alone though. My husband has experienced it and so has my daughter. Most recently tonight.
We sat at the table eating dinner when for some reason Mei was compelled to propel herself from my butcher block to Terra's head. For a moment Terra's head was wrapped(from behind and atop)in a kitty embrace before Myth was able to extract Mei and drop her to the floor.
Painful though it was for her with kitty weight and claw I had to laugh because the effect was that of her being smacked in the back of the head with a furry white hat. I just could not stop giggling.
When I explained my lack of control to Terra she realized how funny she must have looked and laughed too.
05:18 Feb 05 2012
Times Read: 1,644
My current state of mind makes it imperative that I step away from the General Forum for a while. I never do well when my state of mind is compromised. I will still be reading though.
Party on.
11:48 Feb 04 2012
Times Read: 1,658
I do not wallow in my depression and hopelessness.
(that is an awfully big word hopelessness. It doesn't look like any more than gibberish when reading it on the screen. hmmm)
Anyway, sorry I was distracted.
I don't wallow
I revel, I celebrate, I drape my depression across my body and dance around the room singing Tra la la.
If anyone needs me I will be under my covers until next Tuesday.
15:18 Feb 03 2012
Times Read: 1,662
Bummer, my plans fell through or were at the least postponed. Which is a huge pain in the ass.
My neighbor is having a dinner party tomorrow evening. I was supposed to go over and detail clean her house today after which we were going to run to the store to pick up snacks for tomorrow when I will be babysitting her cousins during the dinner party.
I went over a short time ago to get started and the house is locked, the key is not in it's usual place. This means a late start to everything.
Just fabulous.
13:21 Feb 03 2012
Times Read: 1,665
Just traipsing quickly through VR.
Nothing to see here today.
Not really feeling it at all.
I guess it's a good thing that I have plans because otherwise it would be a "stay in bed under the covers and ignore the world day."
02:59 Feb 03 2012
Times Read: 1,670
I could talk about my feelings in this space.
14:58 Feb 02 2012
Times Read: 1,679
The Internet is boring today. I want to:
A. watch hulu all day long.
B. Clean house while I watch hulu all day long
C. Pull weeds in the prospective garden because my rototiller has been broken for two years and this year I want a vegetable garden dammit!
D. Spend the next few hours going back and forth between Vampire Rave and facebook while complaining about being bored.
02:42 Feb 02 2012
Times Read: 1,685
To take the high road or the low road? Some things are just painful to look at.
15:00 Feb 01 2012
Times Read: 1,692
This morning I woke up early after getting to bed to late.
My headache which had receded decided that under the circumstances it might as well sit a spell and stay awhile. For those seeking it's whereabouts it is currently located top right center of my pate.
So woken prior to 6:30am by cats and kids after being up past 1am deep in conversation about things trivial, with Myth, migraine tuning up.
I decided that everyone else was terribly inconsiderate and yelled. First I must point out that I can sleep through a freight train rolling directly past my head but when Myth is home I sleep like a mommy to a new born baby. If an ant were to march across my pillow I would wake up and when people are making unnecessary noise I lay there and worry if he is being kept awake by it. So they weren't being inconsiderate to me, they were being inconsiderate to him.
He pays the bills and attempts to keep them fed and clothed. He has unlimited understanding and a gentle patience with them and there is not a thing in this world that he would not give them if it is in his capability and he asks nothing in return. I just want them to allow him to sleep if he is tired.
I didn't yell at anyone, I just yelled. It was effective, for the kids anyway and we lay abed until 9.
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COMMENTS
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Xzavier
22:50 Feb 29 2012
No. Although given the absured moral panic over "protecting our kids" you may want to get rid of any nude pics of your daughter as a baby. That HAS been used in accusing folks of having kiddie porn.
Dumbasses.
moonkissed
23:05 Feb 29 2012
Even worse X! My kids are 22 months apart and they BATHED together as babies.
I am a monster.
Damn! I thought I had a case for removing camera's from schools.
However, I do believe that if it can be proven that a camera is placed a in a specific place because it is rumored that indecency occurs there the parents could have had the expulsions overturned and sued the school.